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Dear Annie:
I live with bipolar disorder, first diagnosed in the early 1990s. My husband and I got together after my diagnosis, and he has been my biggest support through everything: navigating different providers, raising my children (not his) who also had their challenges, and helping me stay stable.
There have been difficult times when I felt guilty about the toll my illness has taken on him. He didn’t sign up for this life, but he had to watch me struggle through hospitalizations, legal troubles during severe psychotic episodes, and multiple diagnoses before we found the right one.
I am doing my best to manage my illness: I continue to take my medications, work with my mental health team and attend support groups. But I recently suffered a stroke that worsened my symptoms and led to another hospitalization earlier this year. This tested our marriage in every way: physically, emotionally, financially and socially.
Without support systems like my providers, medications, and groups like NAMI, we might not have made it. I know my husband needs time and space for himself too. No one can be everything to someone, and I do my best to let him know how much I appreciate his love and support.
How can I help my husband feel supported and cared for in our marriage while I continue to manage my illness? How can we keep our relationship strong despite these ongoing challenges? – Want to do more
Best wishes:
You’re already doing exactly what you need to do. Your letter is full of gratitude and love for your husband, and that is one of the best ways to make someone feel appreciated, cared for, and seen.
Thank you for sharing your story; it is both heartfelt and inspiring. I hope it reminds others in similar situations that they can lean on their loved ones and that there is hope and help on the other side of difficult times.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearnie@creators.com.
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